in an effort to self educate on the matters of miscarriage, i stumbled on a superfood that is fit for a queen. like, literally. queen bees, to be exact but it turns out, the stuff works crazy wonders on queen human mamas-to-be too. i first read about this magic goo on this site – almost too much information to absorb in one sitting but kind of amazing if you’re feeling anxious and want to re-up what you’re putting in your body while baby-making. natural fertility is run by six women and one brave man, all doulas or herbalists. after my midwife-in-training roommate recommended i start popping Vitex (more on this later), i power-walked to New Seasons and stormed the pharmacy, ready to load up on a bottle of Chaste Berry and one of the three bee by-products said to aid in fertility-boosting matters. portland being incredible portland, of course we have a man who runs his own hive from which he makes and sells ev-er-y-thing bee. he is The Pollen Man and for $18 per ounce (no, not cheap), you can buy a little jar of the freshest, most organic royal jelly, taken from bees whom i can only assume each have names and their own cot on which to sleep. royal Jelly justification for its price tag, from the Pollen Man himself:
“Royal Jelly is an incredible nutrient and hormone-rich substance that modern science has not yet been able to analyze fully, much less duplicate. What we do know is that it is solely responsible for turning an ordinary worker bee into a queen bee. Queen bees start out genetically the same as any other sexless worker bee. Once a bee has been designated the queen, a select group of worker bees called nurse bees begin to produce royal jelly. The nurse bees have specially developed glands that can feed the royal jelly directly to the developing queen. Even though they produce the jelly, nurse bees do not ingest it. The queen and only the queen feeds on royal jelly for her entire lifetime.
Soon after beginning this royal diet, the queen is quickly transformed into a much larger, superior bee. She reaches full maturity in about two-thirds of the time it takes a normal worker bee to mature, and will be 40% larger in size and 60% heavier in weight than her counterparts. While a worker bee will only live for a period of seven or eight weeks, the queen will live from five to seven years – forty times longer! Throughout her life she will lay approximately 2,000 eggs a day, with each batch weighing over twice her own body weight. All thanks to the royal jelly.”
what. the. fuck. additionally, royal jelly contains every amino acid known to man and works on your nervous system, providing both energy and decreasing stress. so yes. i say yes to you royal jelly. royal jelly in my belly please. i started taking the recommended amount (1/4 of a teaspoon daily so the bitty ounce amount ends up lastly a while) about a week ago and call me koo-koo but i totally have more fuel to go-go gadget all day, starting at 6am when sweet, sweet Sebe lets us know he has awaken from his beauty sleep with loud baby baying. i take the jelly straight up, with chaser (anything works, milk, juice, vodka, kidding) even though it really doesn’t need it. real royal jelly (there are hella imposters out there so be cautious if you live in a place that doesn’t have it’s own version of the pollen man. or choose pill or powder form instead. and I kid but it is super important that the bees are taken care of by someone responsible. endangerment of the world’s bees is scary real) tastes bitter sweet, with a strong aftertaste of bitter but damn if i don’t feel every bit queen as it melts under my tongue. i will for sure update this post if any other super powers pop up in the next few weeks, or if, you know, i grow wings and antennae. i should probably start wearing a crown though, just in case.